Business Humour: How To Get Ahead In Business - THE MEETING
In most offices, there are two basic types of work: going to meetings, and taking messages for people who are in meetings and doing their work for them. When planning your career you should aim for the former as this is where the money and kudos are. Those present at a meeting will claim whatever credit is going and apportion any blame to those not present.
Meetings are like funerals, everyone´s dressed up and nobody wants to be there. There is, however, a crucial difference. Nothing is truly buried in a meeting. Stale ideas that were deemed pointless or unworkable leap up out of the ground like zombies to terrorize employees that were harmlessly wondering what to have for dinner or if it would rain later.
Just as there are two basic types of work, so there are two different types of meetings - the traditional and the functional. The traditional meeting, like Halloween, is held at a certain time because that´s the way it´s always been done. For instance, in some companies, managers may like to put their heads together over a cup of coffee around 11 on a Thursday morning, and call it a weekly meeting. This meeting is similar to an Alcholics Anonymous meeting in that everyone says something, even if it´s just a few mumbled sentences. When it´s your turn, just say you´re still working on it and/or you´re waiting for so-and-so to get back to you. Most people will follow this tried and trusted formula and once everyone´s had their say, you can all file out secure in the knowledge of a job well done.
The functional meeting is a trickier proposition. Most functional meetings are safe enough - some kind of presentation, or the handing out of a weighty report and you can sit there concoting outlandish fantasies, sleeping or doodling to your heart´s content before filing the aforementioned report in your waste bin once back in the relative security of your own office or cubicle. Some meetings have a real purpose, and although infrequent, these are dangerous and you need to get out of there before someone asks you a question. Arrange for an accomplice to call you with an urgent matter or feign illness or death but on no account say anything.